Thursday, March 28, 2024

Playbook: One night on Conant

Three American bars stand together on Conant Street in Maumee like bulwarks protecting Midwestern culture. After all other businesses in Uptown close for the evening, they remain open. There is a live music venue/pizza joint with different bands playing every night, a pool lounge/karaoke bar that serves $1 Jell-O shots, and a family restaurant/Ohio State sports bar that encourages you to throw peanut shells on the floor. Together, they form the Maumee Pub Crawl: a 164-foot trek through three wildly different environments of entertainment. To travel to one is human, but to go to all three is divine.

Stop 1: The Village Idiot

309 Conant St.

A laughing jester welcomes you into The Village Idiot. He is the spirit of the place, and his portrait is plastered on the walls along with framed vinyl records and posters of classic American musicians. Behind the stage is an oversized photo of Johnny Cash flipping the bird. “There is a common thread about people that are music fans,” said John Schafer, who owns The Village Idiot with his wife, Nikki. Jon is an incorrigible music fan, and he hires a different band to play each night of the week. When Jon talks about music, his eyes flicker behind his black, boxy frames like wood burning behind a glassed-in fireplace.

Jon is not alone in his excitement. The V.I. is one of the few excuses hipsters use to leave the Old West End, or that Sylvania parents use to extend their bedtimes and make the twenty-minute highway journey. Jack White of the White Stripes has been spotted navigating the jukebox on a couple of occasions. If you are not drawn to the V.I. for the music, then the dozens of Ohio and Michigan beers will enchant you. And if not the beer, then the pizza.

The roasted garlic and fresh sausage pizza is the best thing I have eaten yet in 2014. It was sweet and seasoned, and lightly charred from the brick oven. Pizza is the only food they serve. “We focus on one thing,” said John. And for one small moment, John actually forgot about the music.

Stop 2: Buster Brown’s Lounge

313 Conant St.

Stumble seventy-two feet from The Village Idiot and you will be greeted by Buster Brown’s Lounge. It is located in a Nineteenth Century theater, that became a dance club in the 70’s, and now it looks like a bar. Miller and Budweiser neon signs hang on the walls. Pool tables are the centerpieces of the two rooms. Locals crowd the place like they live there.

“Hopefully you feel at home here, even the first time,” said Buster’s owner, David “Zeke” Zalenski. Zeke sports a silver beard, and his voice is thick like rope. Zeke first came to the bar ten years ago to pursue the manager, Katie Myer, and they have been together ever since. Zeke bought the place last June, and Katie still manages it. They love their bar. They grin when they talk about the new bench cushions they installed, or the charity events they hold for children with autism. And they are both still amazed by the strange, wonderful Saturdays that have become karaoke night.

Anything goes at Buster Brown’s karaoke night, both regarding content and talent. I have heard a stunning rendition of “Stand by Me” by a young man trying to impress a first date (it worked). A woman’s tune-deafness made Alice in Chains sound even more morose than the 90's grunge swamp they came from, and Destiny’s Child took on a whole new life when in the hands of a 6’5” white guy wearing a Detroit Lions jersey. All of the non-performers are free to order a Budweiser and a green Jell-O shot, and just watch.

Stop 3: Dale’s Bar & Grill

322 Conant St.

Dale’s Bar & Grill has the warm cleanliness of a family restaurant, if you overlook the piles of peanut shells on the ground. Families will fill the place to eat cheeseburgers and chicken chunks while watching whatever games are playing on the countless TV’s. And Dale’s does not hide who the home team is: there is so much Buckeye propaganda covering the walls that they have to tack Ohio State flags to the ceiling. A mural depicting Ohio State football is painted in the back room.

Dale’s manager, Melissa Hensley, knows everyone’s name, and everyone knows hers. “How was your run tonight?” she asked one customer as he sat down at the bar. “You always take your leftovers home!” she told another customer that admitted he was trying to lose weight by eating less. “Everyone in Maumee grew up going to Dale’s” said Melissa. Dale’s is a home outside of home, a place that knows you as well as you know it. So are the other two Uptown bars, whether you are from Maumee or anywhere else.

 

 

 

Dorian Slaybod is 27, a local attorney, and happily living in Toledo.

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